I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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