No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
