there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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