Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
