I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
