I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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