you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
