I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
