Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
