I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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