these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
