i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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