the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're like the curious george of whores
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
