god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
