I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
