What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize