I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
