so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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