She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
