somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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