He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
