wanna go halves on a baby?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
