I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize