..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
