She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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