I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he thought i was a dude.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
