There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
