i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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