who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the day after is always just damage control
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
