Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize