If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So many bounce houses so little time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
