I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
