ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
