What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
