can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
