actually, I'm a sock model
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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