The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
