Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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