he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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