i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
