I don't think brook has ever known best
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
