We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
