no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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