Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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