You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
