is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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