Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
