I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
