You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
