Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
