I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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