is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
