Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
