I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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