The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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