look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
