Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
