careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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