I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
