you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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