just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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