the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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