Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
