I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
