scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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